Mother's Day

I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel on Mother's Day, a constant reminder for an entire day that I am not a mom yet; but I woke up yesterday and chose that I was not going to look at it that way. I chose to praise the Lord for my amazing mother and remember how blessed I am with all the wonderful women in my life who are lucky to be moms. I got a text from my mom that she got the flowers Jason and I sent her, that is such a small token of appreciation for everything that my mom has done for me, especially, and also, for Jason and I. My mom is truly an inspiration to me and I hope she always knows how thankful I am for her. We had a great weekend together and I can not wait to be half the mom she is to me. I know she will be a fun, loving and caring grandma one day too. We then went to church and as always, it was a wonderful sermon. Our pastor sure knows how to bring the emotions out in all of us. We also celebrated our "mother of the year", I just couldn't quit crying. The lady who won most definitely deserved it, but I found myself daydreaming that one day, I hope that will be me. I don't want or need a honor, I just want my kids to one day tell me I am their mom of the year, I just want to be a mom. After church, my family all got together, it's always nice having everyone together. It was nice to be around all the women in my family, but I will say, I am the only one who is not a mother, so it can be difficult at times to be faced with that reality. We ended the night with Jason's family and we had a nice dinner and then watched a movie with his mom. All in all, it was a great Mother's Day and I am more than thankful for all the women in my life and I hope that by this time next year, I will get to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother.

I do want to share that my very best friend sent me a birthday card and a gift in the mail, I had talked to her on Friday and she asked if I had gotten it yet, at the time, I hadn't, but she told me the gift was not for my birthday, it was for Mother's Day. Sarah sent me a very pretty pink bracelet and it had different charms on it, some pink beads, butterfly beads, rose beads. One specific thing came to my mind and I don't know if you all know this or not, but butterflies mean a lot to me and my mother and it is because of my mom I have such an appreciation for butterflies. Butterflies symbolize a new beginning and so when I wear that bracelet, that is what it is going to mean for me....it's a new beginning. God knows what that new beginning is....maybe just a better outlook on life, getting a grip on my depression, a closer relationship with Him, a baby, a healthier me. These are all things that I feel I am working on and I know my Savior has a new beginning for me.

With that said, after a week of celebrating Nurses Week, my birthday, my brother's birthday, and Mother's Day. It is by far past due for me to get back on my diet, so I declared that first thing this morning. I, also, am going to start my Couch to 5K again. I am very let down by myself, I wasn't able to complete this, but I look back and think how much better I felt when I was doing it and so as soon as I finish this blog, it's going to be Week 1 Day 1 for me. Please continue praying for me that I will be able to watch what I eat and exercise on a regular basis. Also, begin praying for my appointment with the fertility specialist this Friday. I'm very nervous for some reason, so please pray that God will comfort me.